Nothing to hide

I apologize for spelling mistakes right now because I don’t care — I’m cold, I’m tired, and I can barely see out of my eyes. Today was undoubtedly the most difficult day of all during my time here, maybe ever. It really started yesterday, when I was anticipating Kristin leaving. As hard as I tried, it was so hard for me not to think about it… whenever you spend so much time with someone you care so much about, it’s going to happen that you dread the day that she leaves.

I have to admit that the past two days have been quite a roller coaster ride for me. Yesterday evening, I had the most fun that I’ve had in forever. It started with me giving Kristin some of her favourite things in the world. I was really excited (and somewhat nervous) about givin gthem to her, but her expression was priceless… She has always said that it was the little things that counted. We went out for dinner at this fancy schmancy restaurant and it was amazing. The food there was incredible (and eating St. Paul’s grub really made me appreciate the culinary delight), the ambience was incredible, and the time spent with her was incredible. The bill was not quite so incredible, but I’d be willing to pay a lot more for that experience. We ended up back in her room for quite some time.. and we talked, again, for a pretty long time, as usual. As happy as I was to be there with her, I couldn’t help but feel sad because she would be going away so soon. We stayed up until about 4am, when I tucked her in and attempted to sleep (and only managed to somewhat do so). Needless to say, there was a lot on my mind.

Today began with Kristin and I eating the leftovers from last night. Pasta that has been sitting in the fridge tastes soo good. It was like all of the flavour and all of the aroma was heightened as the pasta dishes sat in their own juices. Oh I’m getting hungry… my tummy is making growling… again. A bunch of people from St. Paul’s and abroad went rock climbing during the day. That was really fun, but really tiring at the same time. Monkeyhead did really well, and I’m proud of her. By the time we got back to residence, people were starting to say their goodbyes, and it all started to really set in on me. I wasn’t very overt about it, but it was getting to me. She started to make her rounds after dinner, and, at the end, she came to my door. I didn’t think that it’d be a long stay, but it ended up being that way. For an hour and a half, we cried and bawled (though I think me more than her). There were tears of immense joy, just as there were tears of extreme sadness. And there were many tears. Never before in my life have I cried like that. We lamented about her leaving, we reminisced about how perfect things have been, we reassured each other about doing stuff over the summer. It was beautiful and tragic at the same time.

She packed her last things, returned her keys, and we made towards her car. One last hug, one last kiss on the cheek. I stood there, freezing my brains out, holding back more tears. She began to pull away until she stopped, turned to me, rolled down the window, and turned up the volume on her radio. And from that moment onward, I will never listen to 1979 the same way ever again; it has a new and very different association now. We waved again, and just as quick as the whole relationship developed, she was off into the distance. When I got back to my room, I hit play on my computer. No word of a lie, 1979 came on. I died. My heart broke, my nose clogged, and tears came flowing from my eyes yet again. I normally would have been shocked about it, because it was ridiculously incredible. But I’ve gotten used to everything being incredible. Nay, not only have I gotten used to it, I’ve lived it.

So that’s my story. I’ve been singing a similar song for the past few weeks now. But for the next little while, it’ll have to be a solo effort.

And now here I am. I’m still cold. I’m still tired. I’m still crying a little. How will I ever get my studying done?

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