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Nothing to hide

Posted on April 12th, 2003

I apologize for spelling mistakes right now because I don’t care — I’m cold, I’m tired, and I can barely see out of my eyes. Today was undoubtedly the most difficult day of all during my time here, maybe ever. It really started yesterday, when I was anticipating Kristin leaving. As hard as I tried, it was so hard for me not to think about it… whenever you spend so much time with someone you care so much about, it’s going to happen that you dread the day that she leaves.

I have to admit that the past two days have been quite a roller coaster ride for me. Yesterday evening, I had the most fun that I’ve had in forever. It started with me giving Kristin some of her favourite things in the world. I was really excited (and somewhat nervous) about givin gthem to her, but her expression was priceless… She has always said that it was the little things that counted. We went out for dinner at this fancy schmancy restaurant and it was amazing. The food there was incredible (and eating St. Paul’s grub really made me appreciate the culinary delight), the ambience was incredible, and the time spent with her was incredible. The bill was not quite so incredible, but I’d be willing to pay a lot more for that experience. We ended up back in her room for quite some time.. and we talked, again, for a pretty long time, as usual. As happy as I was to be there with her, I couldn’t help but feel sad because she would be going away so soon. We stayed up until about 4am, when I tucked her in and attempted to sleep (and only managed to somewhat do so). Needless to say, there was a lot on my mind.

Today began with Kristin and I eating the leftovers from last night. Pasta that has been sitting in the fridge tastes soo good. It was like all of the flavour and all of the aroma was heightened as the pasta dishes sat in their own juices. Oh I’m getting hungry… my tummy is making growling… again. A bunch of people from St. Paul’s and abroad went rock climbing during the day. That was really fun, but really tiring at the same time. Monkeyhead did really well, and I’m proud of her. By the time we got back to residence, people were starting to say their goodbyes, and it all started to really set in on me. I wasn’t very overt about it, but it was getting to me. She started to make her rounds after dinner, and, at the end, she came to my door. I didn’t think that it’d be a long stay, but it ended up being that way. For an hour and a half, we cried and bawled (though I think me more than her). There were tears of immense joy, just as there were tears of extreme sadness. And there were many tears. Never before in my life have I cried like that. We lamented about her leaving, we reminisced about how perfect things have been, we reassured each other about doing stuff over the summer. It was beautiful and tragic at the same time.

She packed her last things, returned her keys, and we made towards her car. One last hug, one last kiss on the cheek. I stood there, freezing my brains out, holding back more tears. She began to pull away until she stopped, turned to me, rolled down the window, and turned up the volume on her radio. And from that moment onward, I will never listen to 1979 the same way ever again; it has a new and very different association now. We waved again, and just as quick as the whole relationship developed, she was off into the distance. When I got back to my room, I hit play on my computer. No word of a lie, 1979 came on. I died. My heart broke, my nose clogged, and tears came flowing from my eyes yet again. I normally would have been shocked about it, because it was ridiculously incredible. But I’ve gotten used to everything being incredible. Nay, not only have I gotten used to it, I’ve lived it.

So that’s my story. I’ve been singing a similar song for the past few weeks now. But for the next little while, it’ll have to be a solo effort.

And now here I am. I’m still cold. I’m still tired. I’m still crying a little. How will I ever get my studying done?

9 Responses to “Nothing to hide”

  1. Justin Says:

    I didn’t think it would so quickly… but it’s made such a huge difference in my life (as you can probably imagine).

    Thanks for stopping by before you left… cough cough. ๐Ÿ™

  2. Sarah Says:

    i had no idea that things had progressed that far!!!

  3. Justin Says:

    Oh my.. how mushy ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

    Well I said almost everything during our conversation earlier today, but check your e-mail. ๐Ÿ™‚ But I think there is a slight correction to be made: “It’s been a great few weeks and I can’t wait to have even more fun [in the next 4 months]!”

    I hope to hear from you soon!


  4. Sarah Says:

    where was i supposed to stop by?…the MAKE OUT PARTY!!!!???
    yeah thats what i thought….

    no i didnt really say good bye to anyone. my sister came early and i had to get all my stuff packed up quickly. sorry.

  5. Justin Says:

    Oh… ๐Ÿ™

  6. Kat Says:

    include God.
    or don’t. but you need to make this important decision. it could affect you for the rest of your life.
    only cause i care,

  7. Sarah Says:

    you can’t fool me…i know who you are… ๐Ÿ™‚
    anyway i hope that you have a great summer. fun with JC and the lion king and whatnot…hey i have never been to the lion king…maybe i can come too! (hehe j/k i’m just bugging you)


  8. Justin Says:

    Heya Kat

    Certainly I will include God. To completely disregard how He is involved would reverse any progress that I have made towards being a better Christian during my time here. So there is no question that I will consider that part of my life in this part of my life.

    Thank you very much for your concern ๐Ÿ™‚ I hope you enjoy your summer, and I’m sure we’ll be in touch! Hope to hear all about the fun you’re having at home soon ๐Ÿ˜›

    Little JC

  9. Anonymous Says:

    I am honoured that you felt so stongly about my leaving St. Paul’s. It was not easy for me either; spending two years at a place and meeting so many great people whom you don’t want to leave. I am repeating myself yet again, but you are one of the very special people in my life at St. Paul’s, and I can’t believe how close we became in such a short time. I thank you, again, for everything and for just being you. I cannot wait for our summer “dates” and spending time together. The Lion King is what I am looking forward to most, not just because I am DYING to see it, but because I will be seeing it with you.
    We will talk and write emails all the time and I can’t wait to read them all, along with your diary entries. It’s been a great few weeks and I can’t wait to have even more fun come September!

    From…you know who it’s from!!

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