Long time no post

Hi everyone… I realize it’s been quite some time since I’ve posted, and I do apologize. But I offer an explanation: work has been taking up most of my time and, when I’m not at work, I sleep. On weekends, I’ve been heading out of town as often as possible; last weekend I went to Waterloo, and this weekend, I’m heading up to Haliburton to visit a friend.

While I was at Waterloo, I attened St. Jerome’s service, as always. I hate to say it, but it was the first time that I was at Mass for a long time. In fact, I’m ashamed of that… it’s been really hard to find the motivation to get to Church, and I hope that I can refind my faith again. It’s a long, arduous road. During the homily, the presiding priest had something very interesting to say. He spoke about something in a way that I never really considered before, and it opened my eyes a little. Allow me to elaborate:

He spoke about love and fear, and how they are inextricably tied together. At first, I was skeptical, since I thought that being loved shouldn’t involve much fear. Sure there’s the fear of losing it, but this is not what he was trying to say. Instead, he suggested that we are terribly afraid of love. The reasoning behind the idea is this: love is very, very overwhelming at times, and it brings with it a great deal of responsibility. Furthermore, love involves plenty of commitment. So, we are afraid of what love brings to the table. (Note that I’m not talking about lovey-dovey, happy-go-lucky relationships because those are fake; love involves a lot of work and sacrifice.) The greatest love, God’s love, is the one of which people are most afraid. This makes sense, though, as the greater the love, the greater the responsibilities and such that come with it.

What stuck me hardest, however, was an analogy that he made to explain this a little better. Think about a wolf with a thorn in its paw. Then we come and see this wolf, wimpering in the corner. Feeling sympathy for it, we go over, and reach for the thorn so that we can pull it out and relieve the pain. What we find, however, is that the wolf will bite us, even though that we are offering to do something for its own good. I can’t help but feel that I, and so many other people, am like that wolf; I am afraid of something – God’s love – because of what it brings with it. I bite the hand that’s feeding me.

What then, am I to do? I cannot sit here idly while God tries to pull out a thorn. I can either suffer for a while and reap the benefits that come down the road, or continue with the status quo, whether good or bad. The choice seems obvious, but to follow suit is unspeakably hard, at least for me. Maybe I’m in the process of getting that thorn out right now.. I really don’t know. Either way, I hope that I, and all of you, will have the faith and trust in love to endure its hardships to gain the rewards it offers.

Billy Corgan sings, “Love is suicide.” For a long time, I thought of this in a negative light; I thought that he was trying to say that love brings about so much pain and suffering that it is comparable to taking one’s own life. But I think I’m seeing a different pictures now: because of love, I cease to be the person I once was. I am transformed. I am new.

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