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Some thoughts..

Posted on February 29th, 2004

On Friday, I was eating dinner with Shanna and a few others, and we were talking about professors. Rather jokingly, I said that Arts profs think that a 70% average is low, so they feel no other recourse but to bell-curve it up to 110%. Shanna mentioned that her prof cries in class and, I, without thinking (as it usually happens), proceeded to sarcastically call him a woman. Not long after dinner, Shanna messaged me and expressed her disgust and disappointment at what I did. At first, I was almost indignant when I said that what I said was not what I think. While that is true, it took some time before I started to feel remorse for what I had done. I later told her that I meant no disrespect to females, or to her prof, and said that I think it takes a lot of character for someone to cry in public. Especially if that someone is a person with authority, crying in front of people he/she doesn’t know. I certainly felt that I could not see myself doing anything like that; I would be far too ashamed.

But why am I afraid to cry in public? Why is anyone afraid to cry in public? Crying is not always associated with weakness; very often, it is related to great joy and happiness. Either way, a very powerful emotion is usually at work when someone cries. I suppose that I am afraid because I don’t want to be seen as weak, as often criers are. Rather than being viewed as a sentimental person, I often force myself to not cry so that I can come across as staunch and strong. As much as I shouldn’t be, I am very self-conscious of the way others perceive me. The moment I learn to stop living for others and to start living only for God and myself, the better.

In any case, I had a very humbling experience that is, ironically, related to what I have just finished saying: today, I went with other residents to watch Passion of the Christ. I have read a couple of reviews on it, and I heard a lot about it before going. I also heard that a lot of people cry during the movie. Kat suggested that I would laugh at her if I saw her cry during the movie. I cried. For about half of the movie, I either had tears flowing down my face, or my eyes were brimming with them. Needless to say, it was a very effecting movie, and I would whole-heartedly recommend it to anyone.

I’m not going to go into the movie because the meaning and message drawn from it will be different for everyone. Nevertheless, there is indeed a very profound message throughout the movie, and I pray that anyone who sees the movie will both find their message, and heed it.

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