Wary and Weary

I’ve taken quite a bit of time today to weigh in on my life. As per usual, I got frustrated with the endless questions that plague my mind and the lack of direction that I’m experiencing.

This is what I have assessed: I’m 22, in university, and trying to find/follow God. I have a good family, and good friends. I like music and dogs.

One thing, however, transcends all of it — the fact that everything is in flux; everything is always changing. I won’t stay 22 forever, just like I didn’t stay 21 or 20 or 19 or whatever. I’m not going to be in university forever. My journey as a Christian will have its twists, impasses, and dead ends. Eventually, my parents will die. Losing friends is an inevitability. So, too, will my hobbies and interests.

I suppose that a couple of things have remained constant: God’s presence (whether I was aware of it or otherwise), and the questions. Oh, the questions.

What have I done that’s truly worthwhile?
Am I in the right program? Should I even be in university?
How do I develop a lasting relationship with God?
Where will I go after I’m done with school?
Who, if anyone, will I fall in love with?
What do other people think of me?
Why don’t I have answers? When, if ever, will I get them?

There have been many times in my life when I thought I had some of those figured out. During those times, I probably walked around brimming and beaming with confidence. Then something happens that screws all of that up and I’m reduced to rubble again. Rinse, repeat.

While I don’t (and shouldn’t) expect to have everything figured out, it would be really nice to have some of the answers. Answers that last. (Here’s where I could pull out the God card and go philosophical on everyone, but life isn’t as easy as that.) I’m wary of quick fixes and weary of long, drawn-out solutions.

I know that I’m not alone with this. I wish, though, that I could find a suitable outlet for everything.

Save me?

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