I’m hanging out at St. Paul’s right now, which is something I often do between classes. So, while here, I checked JobMine to see what was going on with my job situation.

It turns out that I got the interview with UW! When I go went to schedule the interview, I noticed something rather peculiar: I was also the only person with an interview. I’m not sure if I should feel special or particularly unlucky.

There’s also a certain irony with the situation: the job is with the Faculty of Engineering. This is the faculty that I left and swore off with utter disdain. And now I have an opportunity to work for them? I’m at a loss.

What makes this situation notably bad is that it’s in the Continuous Phase. So if I get matched with the job, I *have* to take it. And since it seems like I’m the only candidate, the odds are in favour of that happening. This leaves no opportunity to try my luck with other companies, some of which I would rather work.

There are benefits of working at the university though:
– I can blame any shortcomings on a poor education, which places the onus back on the employer. Huzzah!
– I will likely be working on something that’s interesting and new-to-world.
– I will be in Waterloo (which, in turn, has innumerable advantages).

I think I’m going to go play some piano now.

P.S. It’s Catherine’s birthday party tonight! I think the plan is to gather in her room (108E) around 9. There will be plenty of drinks (but none for me) and merry-making (of which some may be by me)!

I wrote briefly about this in my last post and, upon further reflection, I’m taken slightly aback; the ease with which I typed the words I think that I’ve been learning to trust in God more and more was shocking.

Do I really mean what I wrote?

Trusting someone is something I find really hard to do. As many of you know, I don’t open up to many people. And, quite frequently, I only open up to someone for short periods of time. Part of this is because I tend to be sceptical about people’s intentions. Furthermore, I fear that what I say may be misunderstood or misconstrued. So I tend to err heavily on the side of caution when revealing myself to others.

It wasn’t long ago that I was known as “Bottle Boy” or something like that. I think it was a name that Kat used to tease me because I kept everything inside of me. I did not speak openly about the things that troubled or upset me; I just wore unpleasant expressions on my face.

For good or ill, I have began to change that. Some people are privy to certain parts of my life. To some, I reveal things about my relationship with God. To some, I reveal things about my relationships with other people. But I haven’t made it all available to anyone yet.. I think I’m still too scared.

I think trusting someone – and I mean really trusting him/her – is one of the hardest things to do. I don’t like being vulnerable, and I don’t like admitting failures, and I don’t like being wrong. By trusting someone else, I leave myself open to all of those things (and then some).

But I only need to consider the notion of risk vs. return for a moment before I realize that I ought to trust people more. By exposing my weaknesses and my struggles, I think that I can be stretched in ways I would have never imagined.. that I can grow despite suffering what seems to be setbacks.

The greatest return, I think, is when I put real trust in God. It may seem absurd to trust a Being one cannot usually see or touch or physically interact with. But if I really believe in what I say I believe, then I needn’t worry about anything. Time and time again, God has provided for His people.. both in times of need and in times of plenty.

I think I need to learn what it means to fully surrender. I still have my guards up, even with God. And I think that is limiting the potential in my life. Ugh. There’s so much of a ways left to go.

Maybe I should end this here. My 1:18am rambling is becoming more non-sensical, I think. Good night.

I never did say the results of the initial phase of interview through Co-op. I’ve been asked so many times by so many people that I realized that I ought to just make a post about it.

Here’s a recap of what happened in the initial phase: I applied to a very scant fifteen jobs. Blame some combination of my ego and personal preferences. A large proportion of the jobs were cancelled. So it was looking like I had shot myself in the foot.

Then, two interviews materialized: TD Bank in Chicago and Morgan Stanley in New York. (Another one followed soon after: NVIDIA in Santa Clara, California.) I wasn’t really keen on the financial companies since my previous work experiences dealt with finance and I wanted to explore other fields.

All of the interviews went pretty well, and I was eager to see the results on ranking day. To my surprise, I couldn’t see what NVIDIA had done (i.e. whether they had offered me a job or otherwise) at all. Nor could I rank NVIDIA since they didn’t appear on my rankings page. So I emailed Co-op and wait anxiously for a response/resolution.

I checked back often to see if the problem had been fixed but, in fine Waterloo style, it remained broken. So, in holding out for an amazing experience in California, I didn’t take any action to the other jobs. Now that’s what I call shooting myself in the foot.

As a result of this mishap, I’m stuck in the continuous phase. Fortunately, there have been a good number of awesome job postings. Big companies like Apple, Morgan Stanley, and RIM have some interesting opportunities available.

Better yet is that there is a healthy number of jobs in Waterloo! Places like iAnywhere (of Sybase), RIM, SlipStream, and UW have jobs that intrigued me. So I hope that my chances of staying here are better this time around.

Perhaps the system bug was another one of those “everything happens for a reason” moments. Maybe I’ll get a more satisfying job this way? Or maybe I’ll end up (or stay) in a place where something important happens? I think that I’ve been learning to trust in God more and more as this continues to unfold.

In any case, I’ll try to put the latest and greatest on here. Stay tuned 🙂