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You Know You’re Asian If…

Posted on July 24th, 2007

1*. You were/are a good student with very high GPAs
2*. You majored in something practical like engineering, medicine or finance
3. You have more than one college degrees, especially more than one Master’s
4*. If you play a musical instrument, it must be piano
5. You have a vinyl table cloth on your kitchen table
6. Your stove is covered with aluminum foil
7. Your kitchen has a sticky film of grease over it
8. You beat eggs with chopsticks
9*. You always leave outdoor shoes at the door
10. You use the dishwasher as a dish rack
11. You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times
12. You boil water before drinking
13. You eat all meals in the kitchen to keep your dining room clean
14*. You don’t use measuring cups when preparing foods
15*. You save grocery bags and use them to hold garbage
16. You have a rice cooker
17*. You’re a wok user
18*. You fight over who pays the dinner bill
19. You wash rice 2-3 times before cooking it
20*. You make sounds when you have a bowl of soup
21. Your don’t dryclean clothes, even if they need to be drycleaned
22*. You iron your own shirts
23. You like congee with thousand year old eggs
24. You always cook yourself, even if you hate it
25*. You use credit cards, and pay monthly bills in full
26*. You keep most of your money in a savings account
27. You buy Christmas cards after Christmas, when they are 50% off
28. When you hand wash dishes, you only use cold water
29*. You hate to waste food
a*) Even if you’re totally full, if someone says they’re going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you’ll finish them (although I still firmly maintain that I am not a food vacuum)
b) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing
30. You don’t own any real Tupperware–only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, takeout containers, and jam jars
31. You also use the jam jars as drinking glasses
32. When toilet paper is on sale, you buy 100 rolls and store them
33. You have a collection of miniature shampoo/conditioner bottles and little soap bars that you take every time you stay in a hotel
34. The condiments in your fridge are either Price Club sized or come in plastic packets, which you “save” every time you get take out or go to McDonald’s
35. You carry a stash of your own food whenever you travel (and travel means any car ride longer than 15 minutes)
36. You spit bones and other food scraps on the table
37. Your dad thinks he can fix everything himself
38. When you go to a dance party, there are a wall of guys surrounding the dance floor trying to look cool
39. Your house/apt. is always cold in winter, and hot in summer
40. Your mom drives her Mercedes to Price Club, or Shoppers Food Warehouse regardless how far it is, even if Loblaw’s is next door
41. You always look phone numbers up in the phone book, since calling Directory Assistance costs 50 cents
42. You only make long distance calls after 11pm or during weekends
43. You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached
44. You never call your parents just to say hi
45. You only drive Japanese cars
46. You use a colored face cloth every morning
47*. You starve yourself before going to all-you-can-eat places
48. You’ve joined a CD club at least once
49*. You never discuss your love life with your parents
50. People think you’re Chinese no matter what part of Asia you are truly from.
51*. At a restaurant, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert
52. Your parents will get you into places 50% off by saying you are 12 when you’re really 15.
53*. Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends’ kids
54. You buy soy sauce by the gallon
55. You have a 40-pound bag of rice in your pantry
56. Your parents say, “Well according to 5000 years of Chinese history…”
57*. You know what bok choy is
58. You bring home all A’s and one B and your parents yell, “Why did you get a B?”
59. The bio lectures on marine life (octopii, sea cucumbers, seaweed) were last night’s dinner
60*. The Spanish Inquisition is nice and friendly compared to your parents asking about you and your friends (or significant other)

The * denotes that I feel that they apply to me. 19/60. Yikes!

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