That said, there are many ways that I could get around this problem. Recently, I challenged myself to stop taking out food for lunch when I’m at work. (This has, consequently, reduced the frequency of me taking out food to just around nil.) Doing this was/is difficult for a few reasons: lunch is a social thing at work, take-out food is very tasty, and I would have to motivate myself to prepare lunch after a day at work and time at the gym.

The folks at work have been quite supportive of this. As they make their rounds, gathering people for the trek to a local restaurant/deli, I get asked if I brought lunch to which I coyly reply that I had. And that’s that — no problems. To combat the tastiness of take-out food, I’ve had to avoid “bland” lunches; otherwise, I think that I would succumb to restaurant food. Over the past couple of weeks (which is the extent to which this challenge has lasted so far), I’ve made frittatas, various pasta dishes, and other meals that I’ve loaded with flavour. It’s tough, but it’s working so far. As for the time issue, I have often found myself making the next day’s lunches after 11:00 pm. And that really sucks. (Those who know me also know that I love sleep!)

By preparing my own lunches, I get to choose what goes into my meals; I control the salt, fat, carbs, calories, sugars, and everything. If I am really serious about being healthy (and I’d like to think that I am working my way towards it), I will leverage this control. But, one step at a time first. The other benefit is that I get to make use of my lovely kitchen and practice cooking. Previous apartments have had sub-optimal kitchens but, now that I have a reasonably good one, I can resume recipe experimenting and tweaking.

The other thing that I can do is to focus on the quality of the ingredients. One of the simplest, most responsible, and most helpful ways of doing this is to buy organic food. Bonus points if it’s locally sourced too. While the price is a bit higher, I’m trying to convince myself that it will be worth it in the long run. In addition to doing something good for the planet, I’d like to think that I’m doing something good for my body too. Now, I am not going to say that I am going to always buy organic food from now on; that is presently a bit overzealous and too lofty of a goal. But I’m starting to ease my way into it and that’s step number one.

This morning, I hit up the local Whole Foods (which, sadly, is a solid 30 minutes away) to procure good meat, fruits, and vegetables. Outside, the Union Square Farmer’s Market was in full swing so I took a peek at what was available there. (Given that it is winter, I expected little besides potatoes, squashes, and apples.) I did pick up a few things (apples, eggs, and honey), but what I really took away was how ghastly expensive locally sourced meat is.

It was just about double what I’d pay at Whole Foods which, in turn, has a pretty big markup over a traditional grocery store. My heart sank. (Those who know me know that, as far as food goes, I love meat.) And to think that those prices were what the farmers were charging in order to remain competitive. It made me think how the corporate farms manage to make their products so cheap. Sure, economies of scale will help a little bit, but there are some serious cost-cutting practices in place. (I’m almost scared to watch movies like Food Inc.; even articles like this make me nervous.)

I’m reminded by the adage “You are what you eat.” Increasingly, I am surrounded by cheap, processed, mass-produced people. One day, and hopefully sooner rather than later, I sure would like to be wholesome, healthy, ethical, and responsible.

Whatever the reason, I am terribly homesick. Feeling this way has caused me to re-evaluate my current disposition quite a lot, and I have to say that my adversity to change is whittling away. Now this may not mean that I’m going to hop on the first plane back to Canada (read: I am not), but maybe what I expect to get out of New York can change.

There are two main reasons why I am staying in New York: the first is my job (which happens to be the reason why I came to New York in the first place), and the other is my church. If I were to move elsewhere, I would certainly miss one of those two (and I’ll let you figure out which one that is). So again, I’m re-evaluating.

Canada, I miss you.

At the beginning of this year, I set out some goals for what I wanted to accomplish: there were professional, physical, intellectual, and social aspirations. How did I do? To be honest, pretty terribly. While I think that I have done quite well in my career at Bloomberg over the past year, my dedication to the gym/diet has been inconsistent (with a full three or four months of inactivity), the CFA never happened (for work-related reasons), I haven’t been cooking as much as I would have liked, and I still feel that friends back in Canada have been given less attention than they are due. But there are some gems in 2009 that I feel compelled to share and archive:

1. Work has been quite amazing this year. I feel that I have significantly increased my exposure at Bloomberg and have been working on really cool and important products. This year has been one of transition for my team, as we have been hiring aggressively and have been adjusting to a new management style, and I have been able to get involved in projects and with people beyond the realtime space, which is my current area of expertise. The highlight was delivering our flagship realtime product to the BlackBerry and iPhone platforms, which was a huge win for the team and our clients.

2. I found an amazing church. I have written about Forefront before, but much has changed since that original experience. The first thing was getting involved with a small group, which was a big step in getting connected and developing a commitment to the church. Then it was deciding to lead a small group. Then it was deciding to help out with the worship team. I haven’t feel this plugged into a church since the days of insanity at The Embassy, where I somehow had my hand in a lot of what the church was doing. Volunteering has been a thoroughly enjoyable experience and I cannot wait to get more involved with this great community.

3. Part of the reason that I am so keen on getting more involved with Forefront is because of some of the people that I have met there. The small group in the spring/summer grew together quite quickly and a bunch of great friendships were borne from it. There was this cool balance of people there, with the right mix of humour, sarcasm, vulnerability, boys, girls, shyness, craziness, Canadians, and so on. From small group, I got plugged into the community group (which is a gathering of several small groups). It’s kind of like a church away from church. In this larger group, I met even more wonderful, genuine, talented, and passionate people.

But this year wasn’t just about meeting new people; despite earlier claims of leaving my friends in Canada high and dry, I think that I have been doing better than before. I have certainly maintained my friendships, and have managed to reconnect with some old friends from whom I have not heard in many years. (Clearly if they haven’t deleted me on Facebook yet, that means I’m doing something right, right?) I feel really blessed to be surrounded by such amazing people from both far and away, and I really hope that I can be a better friend. Even for those from whom I have not heard in a while, I am assured that it is still not too late. (Encouraging everyone to get on Google Talk is step number one!)

4. Love was everywhere! I went to a handful of weddings this year where friends of mine were getting married to other friends of mine, and there were other still that I couldn’t attend; indeed, a group of FOURTEEN of my friends got married to each other!! It was such a joy to have been a part of the weddings (and apologies to Laura/Phil and Ashley/Chris for missing out!) and I wish all of you the happiest of days ahead.

5. I did lose someone special: my grandma. But even though it was a loss for me, she has been freed from her broken body and is hopefully in a better place now.

6. At long last, I have moved into my own apartment! This is a big step in my life and has opened up all sorts of doors in my life. (I had some excellent roommates but, let’s face it, I can’t have roommates forever.) As I continue to fill the apartment with things that make it more homely, I am very much looking forward to taking advantage of the new freedoms that having my own place affords me. Especially the delicious kitchen.

So, given all of this (and there is much more that I haven’t said), I think it stands to reason that 2009 was a very good year for me! Probably one of my best, actually. Perhaps the icing on the cake is that there is so much to which I can look forward in 2010; I wait with bated breath for what’s in store.

As the year winds down, I hope that all of you have had many fond memories of the year that it was. Of course, all the best to an even better 2010!

• UI is very slick. The responsiveness is very good and it is the fastest Android phone that I have used. Plus, some of the 3D visual effects are really nice. It’s definitely a polished interface.
• The lack of the “bounce” that iPhone users have when they reach the top or bottom of a screen. That little visual indicator is not implemented across all applications and I think the UI experience is weakened by this.
• No multitouch. Those used to the iPhone may be irked by this but, again, this is nothing new for Android users.
• Amazing form factor. Many people have said that it is thinner than the iPhone and it is very sleek. Solid build and it feels just right in my hand. Didn’t get it to a scale so I have no idea how much it weighs. It’s pretty light though.
• Incredible camera. I’m guessing it’s a 5.1 megapixel camera, with autofocus and flash. It rocks the socks out of my current mobile camera (but it’s not hard to beat the iPhone 3G’s hardware on that front).
• Google Goggles is amazing. I pointed it at a wrapper for a tea bag and it found all sorts of things about the manufacturer and the product. There is some serious voodoo magic going on at Google.
• Mediocre keyboard. For a pure virtual keyboard, it’s not bad (read: it’s about on par with the iPhone’s) but it can’t hold a candle to the amazing keyboards RIM has been pumping out.
• Mediocre trackball. It’s set pretty deep (unlike my BlackBerry Bold’s) so it’s a little weird to use. Pressing it doesn’t wake up the device either.
• Google Maps has been enhanced with some cool features (like finding out what the address is by holding your finger at the location in question).
• The Gallery application, which displays the photos and videos, is really nice. Nice eye candy and it makes sharing quite straight-forward.
• Beautiful screen. It’s sharp and bright, like the Bold. Love.

Bottom line: If I were to get an Android phone (which I want to), this would be it.

The move itself was pretty smooth (thanks to some fellow non-Americans who kindly helped!), and I would like to think that I got the space set up relatively quickly; within a week I had my first guests over and there were no boxes or other odds and ends lying around. (There was, and continues to be, a distinct lack of artwork so the bareness of the apartment which leaves much to be desired.)

This transition came with some concerns. Chief among them were the financial constraints that I have placed on myself; since the [higher] rent and utilities now fall squarely on my shoulders, the amount of disposable income has decreased quite substantially. Indeed, this is the most that I have ever paid for rent (albeit not by too much), and I’m feeling it. While I have budgeted around my current income, let’s just say that I am really, really, really [REALLY] keen on getting a raise!

Another concern was the amount of time that I would end up having to myself. Sometimes, this is amazing and just what the doctor orders. In other times, I felt that I’d miss the random sounds of shuffling, a sign that there is life outside of the room I occupy. I have had some pretty excellent roommates in the past, and the many great times will certainly be missed. So far, my life has been jammed full of things to do so I haven’t had much time to consider the solitude, but I know the day will come.

That said, I think that a lot of good has come from these concerns. In my state of heightened fiscal responsibility, I have started to cook a whole lot more. (In fact, the kitchen in the apartment was one of the primary reasons that I wanted to live here!) So the combination of doing something I love, eating health, and saving money is pretty awesome, and I don’t expect that will let up any time soon. If only there was a ridiculously awesome grocery store like Fairway around here…

Secondly, being on the Upper East Side (UES) has brought me much closer to many good friends. In a city where I never expect to see anybody I know on the streets, I have already ran into a couple friends. And a bunch of others are just a stone’s throw away. Needless to say, I’m looking forward to building out relationships here!

Speaking of “here”, I think that I need to clear the air in terms of the UES. There are those out there who think that the UES is full of yuppies, snobs, post-grad frat boys, and other socially scorn-able archetypes. Make no mistake, there are many of each of these types of people around. And there are plenty of their favourite hangout spots around, too. (Yes, I’m looking at you, beer-ponging, boat-racing, flip-cupping filthy college bar.) There is also a lack of many useful things, as well. The most noticeable of these is a second subway line; the 4-5-6 trains are suitable for a social experiment concerning human-sardine likeness, but not appropriate for normal commuting. And hats off to Citibank for being wildly successful at only having branches where I don’t need them. Thus, I have had a general aversion to the UES, in line with many New Yorkers, because of these assumptions.

But there is much more than these disdainful characteristics. It’s right by Central Park which, when the weather starts making a turn for the better, will be a haven for my bike and my running shoes. There are some great places to eat up here (although it is no Hell’s Kitchen). It’s quiet. You can see the sky. It doesn’t feel like you’re traveling to another country to come here. (Sorry, Brooklyn.) There’s even a Costco up here.

Can I stay here forever? Of course not. Few things beat having a home with a nice front lawn and a big backyard with a barbeque. But I can’t really get that anywhere in Manhattan. So as long as I’m here in New York, I have to say that being on the UES is going to be pretty okay to me.

That said, I feel that I may be prioritizing my money a bit poorly. While I do spend money on meaningful things (a gym membership, good books, music, tasteful clothing, and so on), there is one huge gap where I am not spending nearly enough: charity. This was hit home at a recent leadership meeting with Forefront, where it became very evident how a small minority of the members was propping up the church. (The extent to which I donate to other causes such as Multiple Sclerosis or Movember is nice but also a bit lacking.)

Some people commit the first 10% of their income to charity. I met one couple who did this last week, and it really threw me for a loop. The message that they were sending by doing this is that trying to make the world a better place was their first priority, before making rent or getting groceries. I, personally, am someone who is interested in making the world a better place but allocating that first chunk of my [disposable] income is completely foreign to me. All of my life, I have been taught that charity is nice, but saving money (especially at an early age) is important to leading a long and happy (read: prosperous) life.

At some point in the future, I am confident that I can do both; when I happen to make more money than I know what to do with under reasonable circumstances, it would become way more comfortable to give it away. Just look at my boss, Mike Bloomberg, and all of the money that he has been donating now that he’s in a place in life where accidentally finding a few thousand dollars in his pants might be a common occurrence. (Go Mike!)

But it’s not about comfort, is it? If I am truly interested in effecting a positive change in the world around me, then I should be willing to sacrifice the comfort and to get serious about charity. As it is written (and often said), where you treasure is, there your heart will be also.  I would then be investing in the change that I want to see in the world, and I would be way more interested (and involved) in ensuring that the investment is used wisely and effectively.

Truthfully, I do not imagine that this is going to be a massive change all at once; I feel that I have to warm myself up to it and slowly work my way to rebalancing my budget to accommodate this. But I am committing to it. And if you’re reading this, then you are probably fortunate enough to have many luxuries impressed upon you, and you are probably in a place where you could rethink where your heart is.

Speaking of leaves, who knows where “turning over a new leaf” came from? When I think about it, it doesn’t really make sense; when you turn over a new leaf, you get the other side of the leaf. You still had the leaf before, so it’s not like it’s something entirely novel. Also, depending on the leaf, the other side may very well look like the side that was visible. Combining these, turning over a new leaf isn’t really that big of a deal, is it?

Anyhow, I digress. There are a couple of “leaf-turning” events that I am particularly interested in noting:

1. First, I went back to and old leaf of mine. A few months ago, I was going to the gym really regularly and I was showing some pretty good results. Then, I went to the UK and my membership to the gym expired while I was there. When I got back, I kept on finding too many reasons to not go, so the end result is that I just stopped altogether. (The secondary result is me getting out of shape in a hurry.) To prevent this from happening again, I joined a better gym with more locations and a higher price tag. That means that it is more accessible and, if I don’t go, it becomes a more expensive loss to me. (Nothing like a little guilt to motivate me, right?) I am really happy with the experience so far (except for the realization of how far I have actually fallen since June), so let’s hope that it keeps up!

2. Second, and perhaps more exciting, is that I have signed the lease to my very own apartment!! That’s right — I’m finally growing up and getting my own place. It’s on the Upper East Side (where an increasingly large part of my life is currently centred) in a doorman elevator building. The unit is newly renovated and the kicker is that the kitchen features brand-new, full-sized stainless steel appliances and plenty of gorgeous granite countertops. At long long LONG last, I can feel comfortable cooking again! Granted, this won’t hold a candle to the Viking range, dual-oven equipped kitchen that I was so blessed to have back in 2007 but this is going to me MY kitchen! I actually haven’t heard confirmation that my application was approved, but the leasing office said that everything looked good on paper and they just needed to ensure that everything I wrote down was the truth. So I am reasonably certain that by the middle of this week, I will be the tenant of my very own one-bedroom apartment! (As an aside, I am loathing the thought of how expensive furnishing the place is going to be. Ugh.) Plenty of good times will be had; you have my word on it! Pictures to follow (once I get approved).

Update: It seems that turning over a new leaf means turning over a leaf of paper, yielding a blank page. Makes sense.

You’ve been tagged. Write a note with the 3’s of YOU . At the end, choose 10 people to be tagged. You have to tag me so really you just need 9 more people. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you.

Three Names I go by:
1. Justin
2. JC
3. J-Chan

Three Jobs I have had in my life:
1. Financial Software Engineer
2. Quantitative Analyst
3. Systems Administrator

Three Places I have lived:
1. Toronto
2. Waterloo
3. New York City

Three Favorite drinks:
1. Alexander Keith’s IPA
2. Alexander Keith’s Red Amber Ale
3. Water

Three TV Shows that I watch:
1. 24
2. Iron Chef [America]
3. The Office

Three places I have been :
1. Austria
2. England
3. Scotland

People that text me regularly:
1. Current roommate (Bob)
2. Former roommate (Luke)
3. The Magics (Dave and Donella)

Three of my favorite foods:
1. Ribs (slow cooked on a barbeque thanks)
2. Steak (rare to medium rare)
3. Sushi

Three things I am looking forward to:
1. Christmas
2. Traveling
3. Fall small groups

Three friends I think will respond:
1. Catherine
2. Rodney
3. Katie

Three of my favorite clothing items:
1. Custom shirts
2. Union Jack t-shirt
3. Dark blue jeans

Three places I would like to go:
1. Australia
2. Galapagos Islands
3. France

Three things that will make me cry:
1. Onions
2. Cats and seasonal allergies (if I scratch my eyes)
3. Compassion (either witnessed in person or depicted in art)

Three things that will make me angry:
1. Inappropriate allocation of credit
2. Getting cut off while I’m on my bike
3. Disappointing other people

Three things that make me happy:
1. Making other people happy
2. Playing with puppies and babies
3. A warm sunny day

You lose control when you hold too tight
But turn your head long enough to let it bite
‘Cause faith let me staring at the ceiling through the night
It’s freaking me out

Many people who know me may not know that I am a person who thrives on having control. This is not the same kind of control that is exerted over other people (as I try to fully respect the opinions and freedoms of others), but more the control that I can exert over my own life. I am generally quite risk-averse, so I usually only proceed if I have a fairly high degree of confidence in the outcome.

Sometimes, this works to my advantage. The course that I have plotted is quite predictable and is tolerant to perturbations here and there. So when the proverbial poop hits the fan, I feel that I am able to recover well since I have contingencies planned out. (Read: I am all about having a plan.) All things considered, this cautious and conservative path has led me to a pretty good place.

Sometimes, however, this desire for control is a hindrance. The realm of possibilities is constrained — nay, suffocated — by my Type A behaviour. I can’t help but feel that life would be so much more interesting if I threw caution to the wind and took the risks that I all too often rule out in my head. After all, maybe one of those risks would pay off and the ensuing happiness would make it worth all the while (including past failures).

While I debate whether or not this is something that I could bring myself to do, I am also trying to uncover why I have this thirst for being so calculated. At first, it seems that, in the face of potential scrutiny from my family, friends, peers, and strangers around me, I don’t want to fail in public; I have been wired to think that I am only valuable if I am successful and if other people knew it. This vanity can get me places, but it is utterly foolish of me to pretend that I am without failures or flaws. (And I don’t think that.)

How will I am to admit that, however, is another question altogether. (And I realize that I just did kind of admit it, albeit without specific examples other than this one. Oh, irony.) The fact is that I am very much a flawed man. Like most, if not all, people, I have my share of baggage and dirty laundry. But when I present myself to people, I obviously try to emphasize the impressive and inspiring qualities that I think that I have.

The result of all of this, then, is that I maintain control over who gets to see what of me, but I have a lot of people around me who don’t know me very deeply. I appreciate that, for some, this is sufficient. But for those who are close to me, or for those who want to be close to me, or for those with whom I would like to be close, this is not very fair. My pride gets in the way of being me, but I am somehow holding onto it.

Very rarely have I been truly vulnerable to anyone. When I am, they can usually tell because I get very nervous and my voice gets all shaky.  It is surprisingly uncomfortable for me to open up. But the reality is that, given the choice, I would rather have family and friends who know me for who I am, good and bad, than family and friends who know me for who I show them I am. And I think that I’d rather have fewer people who like me but like me for me than more people who like the me that I usually present.

The road to getting there isn’t easy. Combined with my personal insecurities and the aforementioned pride, there are all sorts of preconceived notions of who I am held by people who know me. I am pretty shy and breaking through my own walls will be hard enough. But I have to do it, somehow. I think that the small group that I have (that is about to end tomorrow.. cry!) is a good place to start since they haven’t had a lot of time to get used to me, and there are a few people there to whom I feel I can open up. Of course, my older friends will have the advantage of already having earned a lot of trust. But we’ll see; for now, these are just words on a blog that mean only a little bit compared to the words that I should be saying into someone else’s ears.

Somehow, he manages to use a lot of words and say very little. Somehow, readers on Amazon laud him for this. I am perplexed by the praise given to this book which, weighing in at over 250 pages, probably could be summarized in less than 10. One thing that I learned from my Grade 12 English teacher is how to be very concise when writing essays; too much flowery language and you’ll lose the reader.

Suffice it to say that the book is lost on me. Perhaps it was unfair for me to lose any sort of hope in the book but a few chapters into reading it (thus settings expectations even lower for the subsequent chapters), but I can only stand to watch the beating of a dead horse for so long. For someone who doesn’t usually read too much, this has been a great defeat. (I am redeemed, however, since the small group has become much less about the book and, instead, more about getting to know great people whose hopes, joys, burdens, and struggles are akin to my own.)

Out of this, however, comes a renewed interest in literature. I am convinced that I have to balance this book out with something elegantly and intelligently written. In previous small groups, I have had the joys of reading very engaging books like A New Kind of Christian and Blue Like Jazz. While I may not endorse everything that is written in those books, at least they were fresh and presented a new perspective.

After lamenting about this to a former pastor, he pointed me to a couple of books: The Prodigal God by Timothy Keller (whose Manhattan church I often attended), and Simply Christian by N.T. Wright, a venerable juggernaut of theology. I have also been toying with the idea of (co-)leading my own small group in October through Forefront and, if I did, this would be a perfect opportunity to explore one (or both) of these books.

What do you say? Do I take the risk?