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It’s cold outside

Posted on March 6th, 2003

So it’s nearly 3am and I’m still up for no good reason. I spent the first little bit of the day talking with Kat, which was nice since it was the first time I talked with her in quite some time. As that ended, I decided that I should finish the book I started yesterday: The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. It was a fantastic read, and I found myself done at around 1:40 or so. The one thing that really stood out for me in the novel was the importance of fulfilling your dreams, while paying attention to the signs that God has laid out before you. Listening to our hearts, hearing those around us, and heeding the signals in nature – all of which are “omens” – help guide us to our goal. The moment we discover that our lives is on the path of the realization of our dreams, we are instilled with new hope, satisfaction, and happiness.

Naturally, I began to wonder what my dream is. Immediately, I was able to throw out being a Software Engineer, because that’s not the most wonderful thing that could happen to me. Nor is it to become rich and famous; those people are generally unhappy and are victims of far mor criticism than I’d like. In the book (which alludes to a verse in the Bible), Coelho writes that wherever your heart is, there is your treasure also. I think that was from Matthew, but I could be mistaken. Unfortunately, I don’t know where my heart is, or what it long for. Love was a major theme in the novel, and I’m inclined to agree that my heart longs for love, too. And there is no better source of love than God. So perhaps He is my dream. Or at least, He should be; it doesn’t feel like it right now. It seems as though I am still bound to this world and I still want physical things.

It’s no coincidence that I have had ashes on my head for several hours, either (as it was Ash Wednesday, and, as a good Catholic, I went to receive ashes). This Lenten season was meant for Catholics to prepare for Easter, to forsake sin, and to allow God back into our lives so that He can work in and through us. It will not be easy, but I will try and accomplish this.

All of this really came to me after I finished the book. I went upstairs, and without reason, I put on my jacket and went for a walk. For about half an hour, I walked slowly around various spots around campus. I stopped at a bridge for about ten minutes, listening to the cold water flow beneath my feet. There, I thought about a multitude of things, some good and some bad. I talked with God and asked Him for His help and guidance. I admitted to Him, and to myself, that I was lost and I needed a sign to point me in the direction I should follow. And I continue to seek that sign. I also realized that things have recently changed in my life, and I don’t like it. I have been apathetic about school, I have been unmotivated to do much of anything, and, most importantly, I have become distant to those who are so important to me. I think these individuals know who they are, and if you’re happening to read this, I’m sorry. It isn’t much, but I have something for you, so please ask me about it the next time you see me.

Oh, I looked up that Bible verse: “For your heart will always be where your riches are.” Matthew 6:21. So there you have it. Anyhow, it’s much later than I’d like it to be, so I shall retire to bed now. Please enjoy the rest of the week. God bless.

2 Responses to “It’s cold outside”

  1. Kat Says:

    way to think justin..sounds like your night was interesting.

  2. Justin Says:

    Hey Kat ๐Ÿ™‚

    Thanks for the encouragement. I’d be lying if I said last night was boring. I think I’ll take walks from time to time to clear my head and ponder. You’re most welcome to join me anytime and come out to reflect about the beauty of God, the beauty of life, and the beauty in ourselves. God bless ๐Ÿ™‚


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