I’ve been thinking about doing something in particular for quite a long time now and, now that most of my midterms are behind me, I think that now would be a good time to do it. Let me begin, however, by providing some background information.

Like most people, there are a lot of decisions that I regret: there are plenty of things that I have said and have done that I wish I hadn’t, and things that I wish that I did say and did do. Both action and inaction has done me wrong. Over the past couple of weeks, I have been reflecting about a very big mistake that I made: going into Software Engineering.

Without going into too much detail, I can say that Software Engineering is not for me. The work that I do in the program brings me no sense of accomplishment or enjoyment, and I certainly do not see myself as a Software Engineer when I graduate. I refuse to be bound to a computer for the rest of my life, and I feel that I have a lot more potential than to sit and code my life away.

So I set in motion what I hope will be the road to another program. I’ve considered the Math-Business Double Degree and Single Degree programs, and I’m just waiting for an academic advisor to provide some more feedback. I’ve finally caved, and I’m listening to what a lot of people have been telling me to do for.. over a year.

What had inadvertantly happened, though, was a re-evaluation of a lot of other things in my life. I began to realize that I have made a lot of other mistakes, and I don’t think that I have dealt with them properly. In particular, I’m thinking about the mistakes that affected other people — my friends.

Largely due to my own stupidity, stubbornness, or a plethora of other undesirable traits that I have, I have managed to cause real harm to people that really mean a lot to me. And I think that most of them know who they are. I still have not forgiven myself for those actions/inactions, and I feel terrible for letting things happen the way they did.

I hope that I have learned from those mistakes, and that I have matured as a person because of them. But it would certainly be a high price to pay for whatever I did gain. I have hurt God, and I have hurt my friends, and there is no denying it. Sometimes, I really can be an awful person.

So what I would like to do is to sincerely apologize to those whom I have offended and hurt, to those whom I have alienated, and to those whom I have disappointed. I know that some of the people who I am specifically thinking about may not even read what I have to say here anymore, but I hope that, somehow, they can find there way here and, maybe.. just maybe.. find it in their hearts to give me another chance.. as undeserving as I am.

I think that this is the last post that I am going to make for a while, so that those people have the highest chance of seeing this post. I would hate for them to visit this site and have this post lost towards the bottom. God bless, all of you, and please remember to keep me in your prayers.

… to school. Please.