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Who Said Life Was Easy?

Posted on March 19th, 2005

A quick Google search yields nobody. Therefore, the only logical conclusion is that life is a bastard. Jesus said it, albeit it not so many words. And He lived the perfect life: living to the ripe age of thirty-three (or there abouts), dying on a Roman instrument of execution! Boy, am I ever glad that I signed up for this one!

Okay, seriously, what the heck. I stop writing for a few days and a bunch of things decide to take a pooper. This isn’t going to turn into a wahfest any time soon, but I thought that I should at least point it out. I suppose everyone needs little reminders now and again about how vicious life can get, and that we really shouldn’t be taking anything for granted. (Can you tell that I’m going crazy? How does that song go… I am slowly going crazy 1 2 3 4 5 6 switch! Crazy going slowly am I 6 5 4 3 2 1 switch! I love tangents. Aahh!)

So, anyways, there was something from the retreat that I was thinking about sharing. I held off for a little bit, mostly because I didn’t see the point in posting it. But after some discussions about my past, I began thinking about how much I have changed. In fact, I follwed what Jasmine did and ventured into the the depths of Hel.. er.. my archives. Oh what a silly boy I was. She says that I have grown up. I think that what I wrote on Sunday morning sums up my thoughts:

I have made it this far, but there is so much more to go / There is so much more to feel, so much more to know / I need to put myself behind me; my life cannot be mine / But I cannot do this alone; I need something divine.

Some two years ago, I would not have been caught dead saying this; instead, I fully imagine myself being one of those cocky, indignant boys that I love to hate. Something that I say to a lot of people is that, if I met someone like me, I wouldn’t want to be his friend. Honestly. Then people say that I’m too hard on myself and that there are things that make me a slightly-better-than-a-spawn-of-Lucifer boy. I probably heard about as many words of that as Beethoven did in his late career.

So what gives? I certainly acknowledge that my exposure to Kat & Co. has made a huge difference in my life. I went to my first Embassy service with them. That day in September, I was exposed to the black hole. I didn’t notice it at first, but it was pulling me closer.. ever closer.

But did those next couple of years suck (pun intended – har har har!). It was a long road in school. Work took its toll. My faith was shaky. My emotions were like a superball. No wonder I became “emo.” And, yes, I got sucked into the Embassy black hole.

Through all of it, though, there was one constant: God. While I didn’t feel it all of the time, I see now that He was indeed always there. It was His telling me that I should be a big computer geek and go to the University of Waterloo for Software Engineering. (Now where’s me pocket protector?) It was His kicking me in the butt to go talk to Kat and Katie that fateful October evening. (Whine and Cheeseball 2002, baby!) It was His shooing me into His house – then, a bar – and shutting the door. (Nothing insightful and/or stupid within these parentheses.. sorry.)

So God has led me along. But I still feel that, despite making what seemed to be a huge amount of progress, there is an endless amount ahead of me. There’s an entire lifetime to go, and I feel so grossly underprepared for it. I don’t have a roadmap for where I’m going. Nor do I even have a map. Nor do I have a compass. Nor do I have any sense of direction.

The insight that I found during the labyrinth, however, is that there were too many “I”‘s in the previous paragraph. Justin needs to trust God; he needs to put his selfishness away and embrace the selflessness that God calls him to do. Justin doesn’t need a roadmap, a compass, or a sense of direction. All he needs is Truth. And maybe a couple billion dollars. No wait… just Truth.

Through Truth, Justin will be able to find Company along his journey. The problem is, though, that Justin has a really hard time accepting the Truth. In fact, he isn’t even sure that he wants to know the Truth. By being ignorant, he can blissfully live life his own way, and not feel challenged to give up his life for a Greater Purpose. He can take care of his own needs, and enjoy the riches of the world around him.

But then, he’d also be screwed. This reality, however, doesn’t really persist in his mind. Like the rising and setting of the sun, his fear of the Lord comes and goes. While this doesn’t always show, it has been something that has plagued him for years. He doesn’t see any way to resolve this, either. Maybe he’s already screwed.

There still is hope for Justin, though. God can come and scoop him up from his present disposition and instill grace, strength and hope in him. For those of you out there that believe in the power of prayer, please try and remember to pray for poor little Justin. Pray that God will continue to affect him and that he will remain open and receptive to it.

And that’s the way the cookie crumbles. For Channel 5 news, I’m Bruce Nolan.

3 Responses to “Who Said Life Was Easy?”

  1. Jasmine Says:

    You’re hilarious kid! That was some witty writing, but perceptive as well. I like your little poem. Insightful and catchy!

  2. Justin Says:

    Thanks, I suppose. Although I think that I could do better. I’ll try not starting after 2am and getting some good sleep on a regular basis sometime 🙂

  3. Emily Says:

    Serious: I appreciated this post very much.

    Less serious: I’m not the only one who speaks of myself in the third person. See your second-to-last paragraph. 😉

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