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Brain Fart

Posted on February 17th, 2006

I really should be sleeping right now but, for some reason, I’m pretty wired. This is a bit surprising since I did have a pretty long day, so I should be really beat… oh well.

Something that came up at Forums this week was how Christ died for us while we were sinners and how that made us feel. There were the fairly obvious answers of “happy” and “humble”, but the only word that was going through my mind was pathetic.

I felt totally unworthy and ungrateful and it’s just terrible. The singlemost important event in human history (other than our creation, perhaps) affected me and redeemed me and, yet, I don’t live as if I am really thankful for it. Day after day, my priorities and thoughts are not on what Jesus did for me but on what I can do for myself to make life better.

If I want to change (and I think I do), where am I to start? How can I show that I really appreciate everything that God has done for me? Sure, one can suggest that I can love others but I’d be chasing a phantom; being able to truly love all others is unfathomable to me.

The thing is, I know that God is good. He’s freaking amazing to me. He gives me life, great family and friends, amazing days like today, talents… everything, really. I know that it’s all Him. I just wish that I knew how to express all of this in a way that convinces me that I’m really glorifying God through it.

One thing I know for certain: my personality needs to change. My outward appearance has matured (with my style of dress and hair and whatnot), and it’s about time that my inward being changed too. First on the pecking order is how I treat other people.. I know that I am far too sarcastic and cynical for my own good. I know that I can be a nuisance. But all of this has to stop somehow.

So, my goal is to be more agreeable with people. There’s not much of a way to measure the success of this endeavour, so I’ll just have to be very conscious of it at all times. Together with the weekly fast, I really hope that I can bring about a substantial shift in the way that I live. As an often oversung song goes: “I’m sorry, Lord, for the things I’ve made it, ’cause it’s all about you, it’s all about you, Jesus.”

One Response to “Brain Fart”

  1. Sarah Says:

    a?gree?a?ble

    -To one’s liking; pleasing: agreeable weather.
    -Suitable; conformable: a practice agreeable to the law.
    -Ready to consent or submit: I am agreeable to your plan.

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