Today was a day of reflection. It started off with looking at how much work I had to do between now and the start of my exams, but it gradually shifted to things with greater importance and longer horizons.
It is, after all, Good Friday. I felt compelled to go to Mass and I took the opportunity to experience a new service at Good Shepherd, the local parish. When I was there, many of the experiences that I have had in the Catholic church came flooding back; I recalled the days when I thought so little of the service because of its seemingly mindless repetition, and I remembered how that changed when I saw the reverence and meaning behind it all. It is remarkable to think about how my opinions have turned around and it showed me a glimpse of the redemptive powers of God.
The most telling display of these powers, of course, is through the resurrection. While this event is commemorated at each Mass (and many other kinds of services), today is the day Christians are especially called to celebrate what has been done for us. God thinks that we are worth it… that I am worth it. I don’t even think that I am! It is so hard to accept that kind of love and, more often than not, I can’t. The way I live (or don’t live) is tied to my poor understanding of this immense blessing. But I’d like to think that I’m trying to change, and I am looking forward to the day when God will redeem me from this state of unfulfillment.
My thoughts also turn towards many of my peers. More specifically, I’ve been thinking about those who are just about to graduate and those who are moving on to their next stage in life. Many of them have secured full-time jobs and others are continuing their education (congrats, Kat and Keith, for getting into teacher’s college!). Some of us have a little bit left to go in our undergraduate careers, but the end is very close. At this time last year, a bunch of us got together thinking that the gathering would be the last time that all of us would be together; I’m sure similar ones will be happening soon. It’s a little disheartening to know that I’ll likely never see many of the people with whom I’ve spent the past five years, but it’s not unexpected. It won’t be the same without them. Here’s to hoping that we can all manage to stay in touch!
Lastly, I’ve been thinking about my grandma. She’s had a miraculous recovery from the stroke and high blood pressure that she suffered last May, but there has been a toll; she has become even more dependent on others and the onset of Alzheimer’s has hastened. All of this prompted my dad to consider an old-age home several months ago and, just yesterday, we received a call saying that there was an opening. Declining would mean that my grandma would be placed at the end of the waiting list again and, understandably, this was not something my dad was comfortable in doing. So, on Tuesday, grandma will move to a new home.
I’m pretty worried about this move. I’ve grown used to having her around (since she’s been at home since before I was born), and I’m sure that she has gotten used to being around the family. She has familiar faces and familiar surroundings here and I don’t know how this kind of shock will affect her. Maybe she won’t even notice. I’m hoping for that, or for her noticing but understanding. The other case could be heartbreaking. I’m praying that God will continue to take care of her there and maybe – just maybe – get her healthy enough to come home. It won’t be the same without her.
