So today wasn’t all that bad: I got up at 10 and went downstairs to the lounge, finding people who were about to go to the Embassy’s Sunday service (Elevation). I talked with them for a little bit while I went over the reading I was supposed to do at Mass. They all took off around 10:30, so I went back upstairs and got all nice and dressed up. Mass was pretty good. Before the service, I talked with the presiding priest, Father Jim. I didn’t realize until a little bit after, but that guy is really happy doing what he’s doing: he goes around humming hymns to himself, sometimes singing the words quite loudly, walking with a happy bounce and a smile on his face. I only hope that I can one day be as happy as him with what I decide to do.

I said before that today was condemned to working on a CS project, and that got underway later than expected – 4:30pm. An hour after that, I took a break for dinner for like 30 mins. But after only 4 hours of coding, the group found ourselves done! Now that was a very nice turn of events.

I still really wish the dye worked on Friday… but my hair is a bit too short, so maybe it’s better that I the dye didn’t work. I tried to dye it again on Saturday, but that didn’t work out too well. I was ready to go to a salon and get it done professionally yesterday, but Jeanine advised against that. She said that if I put too much peroxide in my hair, it would cause my hair to fall out! Now I don’t know about you, but I don’t think going bald would be anywhere close to being good. Thanks for the tip, Jeanine! My skin is feeling a little wierder where the dye stained it… it’s like dried out and crusty. Stupid dye. Anyhow, I decided to go this coming weekend, if time permits. Then I’ll go all out and get the bleach before the dye. That way it won’t fail. Or it better not; otherwise I’d be pretty pissed.

Anyhow I must decide whether I should stay up and work on my site more (shameless plug: http://liberdei.dyndns.org ), or to go to bed and get a good night’s sleep. I’m not tired or anything… oh well. I’ll figure something out.

I think I’ll conclude with a nice Bible verse that I read today:

Not that we are competent of ourselves to claim anything as coming from us; our competence is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of a new covenant not of letter but of spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.
2 Corinthians 3:4-6

May God bless you for this coming week.

I was thinking about it more today, and I dug up some quotes that I’ve heard and I thought that I’d share them:

In “Bodies”, Billy Corgan sings, repeatedly, that “Love is suicide.” Now all art is open to interpretation, and I think he’s right, in a manner of speaking. After all, once someone is in love (and by this, I mean true love, if such a thing exists), they are completely changed. So, symbolically, the person they were before love is no longer. Then, there is the event of heartbreak, where, again, a person becomes radically different. Everything is gloomy, hopeless, and depressing; another suicide of sorts.

Not long after he wrote this song, Corgan said something quite profound about love, and life in general: “Happiness and love… for me they’re inseparably joined with loss and death. Black and white are the opposite ends of the scale but they can’t be separated, they’re tied together in a strange way. Nothing lasts forever, nothing is eternal, everything is changing, fleeting, only for the moment, so everything is meant to fade, to break, to disappear, to frown or to fail. That’s life and I don’t want to dress it up and pretend it’s different than it really is.” As bad as it may sound, I have to admit that there is some truth in this, too.

Then there are the love songs that he wrote: Beautiful and Stand Inside Your Love being my favourites. It’s remarkable how someone can feel so radically different about love over time. Like Corgan, there are times when love really affects my mood; from extreme happiness, to helplessness, to angst, to sadness, to longing, to worriness, to confusion, to hate, to despair, to loneliness (not in any particular order, of course). Amazing how one emotion can affect a person’s life, huh? I once told my friend, Erica, that if there is anything that can make or break a guy’s life, it’s a girl. And she seemed rather surprised about this. I don’t know if girls feel the same way, but there are certainly times when it seems like they do. I guess it all comes with being interpersonal creatures.

I’m not sure why I’ve been thinking about love so much lately. It seems as though my unconscious has been trying to figure things out about it. I really hope that, one day, I will realize that there’s someone in my life that would be perfect for me. And, obviously, I hope that she’d feel the same way about me. Then we’ll live happily ever aft.. no… if only it were that simple. If there’s anything worthwhile in life, we have to be willing to work for it.

I’m not feeling blue. I put in time, money, and effort. I even had a friend help me out. But, in the end, when it all came out of the wash, I just couldn’t be blue.

Now I’m sure that I just sounded like I wanted to be depressed. Desperately. I assure you, however, that this is not the case. What I’m actually talking about is my hair, which, despite lots of work, pain, and agony, is still black. Jeanine was kind enough to help me dye it blue-black (with some blue booster). We tried it in my room, which consequently reeked of hair dye. And believe me when I say that the hair dye I used was absolutely stank. Anyhow, after 20 minutes of application and 45 minutes of standing time, it was time to see how it’d turn out after a shower. I was somewhat nervous, and showering with all that gunk in your hair was pretty gross: just imagine getting your hair wet and having brown and black chunks falling out… mmmmmmmmm. After the shower, however, I looked in the mirror to find my skin wonderfully stained and my hair just as black as it was before the whole ordeal. How annoying.

This weekend is looking pretty bleak for me… going to see if I can fix the whole dye issue in the morning, then doing a lab all day, then working on Calc at night, then reading at Church on Sunday morning, then slaving on a CS lab for the rest of the day. I won’t be a happy camper for the next couple of days. Stupid school!

On a completely unrelated topic, I find it kinda wierd how everyone around me is talking about love and romance for one reason or another. Whether it was about having feelings for someone, or how much it sucks, or about how difficult it is to discuss, or about it as a part of life, I’ve noticed that it’s been a hot topic since.. well.. pre-Valentine’s Day. Some suggest to err on the side of caution, while others are always ready to jump into a relationship. All too often do I see people happy for a few weeks, maybe months, then go through a painful break-up. There’s only a few people that I know that have been going out with the same person for over two years. Of those, I’m pretty sure that at least one of the couples will break up. I guess sometimes it’s really hard to distinguish between an infatuation and love. Then there are the slowpokes that let love find them. Yeah, it might happen, but I don’t think that I’m going to hold my breath for them. Like most things, there’s always a balance required; not too fast, not too slow. And like those things, it’s really tough to find a good balance of it. Maybe that’s why true love is so rewarding. Jeanine actually asked me a few days ago if I was looking for a girlfriend (no, it wasn’t an offer). I instantly said no, but I’m not sure if that’s entirely true. Although I don’t spend my days scouting girls, I’m not opposed to loving someone right now either. I dunno. What I find wierd, though, is that as someone has feelings for different people, they tend to say that this (current) one is special; that this one is the real deal. I suppose that it could be true. I mean, with age comes a certain level of maturity and understanding. But how many new levels of love are there? Can each successful “love” be greater than the previous? Personally, I don’t think so. It’s something that people use as an excuse to themselves so they can justify their feelings. Sadly, I speak from experience. And I really hope that I won’t be so naive again. I mean, I know eventually (I hope) I’ll find true love, but I can’t say that my feelings for the in-betweens (and I hope there aren’t many) will constantly increase. But that’s just my opinion. There’s also the problem about confusing love and lust. Not to be too stereotypical or anything, but average male finds female attractive, makes rather demeaning comments, then proceeds to try and court her without knowing very much about her. If he’s lucky, he’ll get one of those few-week relationships. If he’s really lucky, and I mean REALLY lucky, then it was meant to be that his sick little mind finds him true love. Then there’s the whole matter of trying to change a friendship into something more. I’ve seen it done before, and I’ve done it once before, too. But it’s so risky! Although there is a lot to gain, there is a lot to lose, too. Supposing that things don’t go quite as planned, the threat of losing a very dear friend becomes more of a reality. I’ve done that before, too. And because of it, I’ll be plagued by all of the “what if’s” floating around in the back of my head. So I’m not sure that I got what I bargained for. But love is not all miserable and worrisome and painful. It is through love that humans are truly remarkable; through love, humans become truly selfless beings. It is also through love that humans came to be (i.e. through God’s love). Anyhow, I’ve ranted and raved about love enough for one sitting. I’ve also proven to myself that it is indeed a difficult topic to discuss: this paragraph has taken me a long time to write! I guess the only thing I have left to say about it is to trust God with it; He certainly knows better than us, and He’ll continue to guide us (and love us) so long as we continue to love Him.