I write this from my temporary residence at my co-worker’s house (as St. Paul’s closes for a week after exams are over… bah).. I’m so fortunate and grateful to be able to be here, and I’ll make sure that my gratitude does not go unnoticed. Thanks, Derek and Jeanine!!

Anyhow, I moved on to the third day of my forty-day journey through The Purpose-Driven Life, and it’s a long one! I went to Elevation this morning by myself, but it didn’t turn out to be that bad at all; Brandon had a great message about change and holding on to God. I also had a chance to have a pretty decent chat with a few other people there.

This latest chapter dealt with the motivation behind our lives. Warren suggests five sources of this motivation, and I must admit that I am driven by each one of them.. here they are:

Guilt. He says that people run from regrets, hide from shame, and allow the past to control the future. That, unfortunately, is a very, very accurate depiction of the way I live… I am always worrying about what I have done, and I avoid repeating the mistakes of the past. I brood over my errors, and they have a firm hold on my perception of the future.

Resentment and Anger. I’m known as a “bottle-boy” because I contain and repress a lot of emotions… I, as Warren says, internalize my anger. These negative emotions are not doing any good for me, and I need to start to live through forgiveness instead… certainly not very easily done, and this is something that I’ve noticed for.. a lot time, to say the least. I’ve grown to open up to a very select few people, but I don’t know how willing I will be to do that again..

Fear. Somewhat related to the notion of living out of guilt, this prevents me from doing a lot of things. It’s a “self-imposed prison”… I don’t want to leave my comfort zone which, quite often, is small. I like having control, so taking risks is something I am adverse to doing.

Materialism. I think that the vast majority of people fall victim to this.. it’s so hard not to in this kind of world; in this capitalist society, so much is done for the sake of having possessions… Hannah, one of my Embassy friends, recently let go of a lot of her material possessions, and I think that she has become a much more God-focused person because of it. I admire her ability to do that, only because I don’t think I can do something like that right now… while I’m probably not being asked to live as a hermit and rebuke all worldly belongings, I really don’t need a lot of the things that I do have and treasure.

Approval. Yep, this one got me, too. I’m very self-conscious, and I worry incessantly about what others think of me. Needless to say, it brings a lot of stress and excess baggage.

He goes on to write about the benefits of purpose-driven living, but I’m not going to talk about it here.. if you’re really interested in finding out, get the book!! 😛

Question to Consider: What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want it to be?

This one is a little tricky… I guess it really depends who is asked; I’m different to different people. This ties in with the whole approval bit, as different crowds seek different things. I know it’s really bad, and my inconsistencies will likely come back to haunt me. I also know that I am a very big hypocrit at times, maybe even to the point of lying. Too often do I say things that I really know is right and good, but I do not live out those things myself. It’s not a matter that I don’t want to live what I say I often do, but I just.. can’t. It’s not easy to be good all of the time… This reminds me of Romans, where Paul writes that he does all of the things that he does not want to do, despite knowing better. How weak is the flesh!!

So to answer the question, I suppose that the responses that I’d get would range from wealth, fame, personal satisfaction, and, hopefully, God. I’m sure there would be others, but I can’t really think of them right now. For the second part of the question, I think that it’s pretty clear what I want it to be.. I wouldn’t be reading the book and spending a lot of time with my faith if I wanted it to be something else. Deep down, I really, really want to be devoted to God. I dream of the day where I have completely given myself to Him.. letting go of the distractions in the world and living the life that He wants me to live. I wonder if I will ever attain the feats of humanitarianism that I want to see reached, or if I will find a way to do away with sin once and for all. As the Bible says: with God, anything is possible. I’ll just have to continue to trust Him and see where He will guide me, I guess!!

Somewhat of a touchier subject, I guess. One thing that I really liked about this chapter was that Warren went on to say that “there are no illegitimate children” in God’s eyes. I was meant to be here, and that brings a certain sense of satisfaction and duty. But it makes me wonder.. with all of the talents that God has given me, what have I done to fulfill his purpose with me?

Not only was I not an accident, but the things that happen to me were allowed as well. Warren writes that I go through tough times to develop our hearts. Now, this can infringe on the notion of free will, which is so crucial in our faith… it certainly makes me think.

The question to consider: Knowing that God uniquely created me, what areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance and I struggling to accept?

Certainly I’m not proud of my heritage… I think the behaviour of other Chinese people have really dampened my respect for them, but it shouldn’t. They’re children of God as well. I don’t know if I can change my perception of them, but I’ll definitely have to try to live a better life.

I can’t say that I’m the hugest fan of my physical appearance, either. I’m on the short side, on the blind side, and not as much on the buff side as I’d like to be. But who cares? If I were super good looking, I’d probably have a lot of trouble focussing on God because of all of the worldly distractions that I’d have. So perhaps it was a blessing.

On the personality side, I know there are lots of things that bother me. I know that there are tons of traits that annoy other people too *cough* my sarcasm *cough*. I know I go too far, but it’s not easy to always control myself. I get very caught up in the worldly things and lose sight of my eternal destination… so hard to stay focused on God.

But that I must, and I’m hoping that this book will help shape my life to match God’s design for me. With this, and the other events during the summer, I’m hoping to make many leaps in the right direction… I’m running full speed ahead with my faith, and I really want to keep some momentum going.

Well it’s the end of the term and, after many goodbyes, hugs, and handshakes, a bid au revoir to another year. Whether for good or for bad, I have not seen the end of my days at St. Paul’s, as I am returning there for my school term this summer. Speaking of that school term, check out this schedule: I have Monday, Wednesday, and Friday… OFF!!!! Granted, Mondays are technically taken up with tutorials, but I have no intention of going. Ever. 😛 So I’m pretty excited.

The summer also holds great expectations in terms of my involvment with The Embassy; I’ve stepped up to be a co-leader of the Communications Ministry, and I’m also participating in a small group discussion on A New Kind of Christian. I’ve really wanted to talk about it and solicit some feedback to get a good feel and understanding of what Brian McLaren was trying to say… I think this will be a great opportunity to do just that!

I’m also quite excited about a new book that I borrowed from Katie: The Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren. I’ll try and reflect on it each day that I read it, so expect at least 40 entries over the next 40 days!!

Day 1: It All Starts with God

I think Warren was very blunt with the very beginning of the book; he writes, “It’s not about you.” That’s quite heavy considering the egocentric society that we inhabit, and a very different mentality from the life that so many of us, myself included, live. He stresses that people are misleading their lives because they are too wrapped up with themselves. The focus is inward, temporal, and flawed… as a song that I’ve played at Chapel goes, we need to “turn our eyes upon Jesus.” God has a purpose for us, and we won’t find it unless we look to Him for it.