I had the distinct pleasure of going MIA for a couple of days in order to go to the Embassy retreat. A group of forty or so leaders and staff went out to Hidden Acres to hang out, challenge each other, grow, and learn.

After seemingly two seconds of sleep, I was up bright and early in the morning to head to the meeting spot. I was probably particularly irritable that morning because a sleepy Justin is an unhappy Justin. It didn’t take long for me to wake up, though… we started off a weekend-long competition and I had to be alert and observant.

The weekend was filled with a wide variety of activities: writing a song about a taco topping (lettuce, in my case), fooseball, karaoke *shudder*, vision casting, labyrinth-walking, guitar playing, and bonding. Notice, however, that I said nothing of sleep? I’m getting pretty good at depriving myself of rest!

Before I get into too much detail, though, I think that I should prematurely end this post. I suddenly felt a wave of exhaustion, and I need to rest my body. I’ll finish this up soon.

I got back from hanging out with a bunch of Embassy friends not too long ago, and I finished packing (for the most part) for the retreat tomorrow. I’m really excited by the opportunity to get to know some of the people with whom I serve better, and I’m looking forward to a lot of fun! That said, I am *not* looking forward to waking up at 7:15am!! But now you know why I won’t be making a post tomorrow 🙂

Before I went to bed, though, I decided to play a bit of guitar, since I’m not sure how much I’ll be able to do that over the next couple of days. After a little messing around, I started to play one of my favourite songs by the Smashing Pumpkins: Muzzle. While the song, in its entirety, is not particularly happy (few songs by the Pumpkins really are), there are lyrics with which I really identify.

The first one is the opening line of the song: “I feel that I am ordinary, just like everyone.” And in so many ways, I do. I’m leading a very normal life, progressing through school in order to make some sort of living. On a more deeper level, I share traits (good and bad) that others have, and I do the same things as a lot of other people. I don’t think that there is anything that makes me stand out from the crowd. And I’m not talking about blue hair or whatever the case may be… I’m looking beyond that.

In this week’s Forum, we talked about superheroes, and how there is the possibility within each of us to break free from the norm and to develop into truly remarkable people. But I have no idea how I am going to do that. I think that being in Math-Business makes it a little more plausible to make a world of a difference than being in Software Engineering, but in terms of having a sense of how I can make that big difference, I haven’t a clue.

I lamented about my lack of direction on Thursday night, and part of the reason is because I like being in control of things about me. It’s probably the area in which I am the least patient, and in which I show the least amount of flexibility. It is really frustrating to not know where I am going, because I can’t focus. “Trust in God” is what I’m told, but I find it really hard to do that, having been without direction for quite some time.

This leads quite nicely into the other lyric that stands out in Muzzle: “I know that I am meant for this world.” So, despite me not really knowing where I am going, I have increasingly felt my place here on Earth. I am realizing that God put me in Waterloo to meet the people that I am meeting, and to change the ways that I have been changing. I, like you and everyone else, have been granted the wonderul gift of life, and that is not something to be taken lightly.

Our time here is very limited, and I am now beginning to really see how important it is to make the most of it. Being a good influence, being a role model, being a source of integrity and truth, being supportive, and being loving are becoming much more substantial parts of my life. Sometimes it gets me in trouble, when these things take the front stage and I appear to go overboard (in the worldly things). But as Jesus taught us, the things of this world will come to pass, and it is the intangible things that will last. And as long as I make a conscious effort to remember this, I just might be in good shape.

And I can only pray that each of you will be able to remember this, too. It weighs heavily on us because Jesus calls us to sacrifice that which we hold closest to us; it is only when we give up our lives that we really find it. How deep.

That’s something Paul and I randomly said to each other. But after today, I am going to have a substantially smaller chance to say it. Sadly, Paul has made the decision to leave his position as the Dean of Residence/Manager of Facilities at St. Paul’s. I understand most of his choice, and I can only imagine how difficult it was. There is no doubt in my mind that he really loved this place, and he will certainly be missed. I can only wish him and his family the best. God bless you guys.