It’s a funny thing, fast forward is. At any time, we can use it to skip ahead to see what we want to see. This is, of course, assuming that we are dealing with multimedia of some sort. But we can hear the good parts of a song, or find out what happens at the end of a movie if we wanted to do so.

This is currently a temptation that I have when watching 24. As enjoyable as the show is, it is also very agonizing to watch hour after hour as the plot slowly meanders forward. Oh, how I want to skip to the last episode of the season so that I can find out what happens!

So, too, do I often wish that I could fast forward my life. I want to see where I end up. I want to know what job, if any, I will eventually find suitable to do for the rest of my life. I want to know where I will live. I want to find out who, if anyone, I will marry. I want to know what difference I will make in this world. Even on a smaller scale, I think it’d be useful to know things along the way. Like questions on final exams.

All of this, however, sounds like the easy way out. Probably because it is. It’s a testament to our culture to have everything at our fingertips.. to have convenience on demand. And, as much as I would love to have the ability to fast forward, the cost of doing so would be far too high.

For one, I miss out on the opportunity to learn from mistakes and other experiences. There can be so much value in failure and disappointment. Obviously, said value is hard to see at the time but, over time, is can manifest itself in ways we wouldn’t have been able to imagine.

The mistakes about which I think the most are those that are made with relationships (in the broad sense… friendships and girlfriendships alike). There are a lot of times – more than I would like to admit – where I do something and instantaneously realize that I made a huge mistake. Be it things that I have said, attitudes that I have had, or things that I have done, I’ve missed the mark a great deal.

But I don’t look back with regret and sorrow. At least, not all of the time. I can see how my personality has been shaped because of those events and, generally speaking, I think I’ve made substantial improvements in some areas. Without those mistakes, I don’t know who I would be right now. And, sure, I have flaws and all that, but overall I don’t think I’m that bad of a person. Feel free to disagree though.

The second thing about this notion of fast forwarding is that I would miss context. Sure, I can see how the show ends or where I am, but I wouldn’t know specifically how it happened. And, because of that, the result is somewhat less meaningful for me.

Take another example. In the discussion group that just wrapped up, I realized how my fast-forwarded perspective has negatively influenced my understanding of the Gospels. When I read through those texts, I do so with the knowledge of what happens. I know that Easter takes place and that the church is where it is.

If I were to have experienced that first hand, my faith would be entirely different. Even with my limited knowledge of Jewish culture in that time period, the things Jesus said were pretty out there. And they weren’t analyzed to death so that people could consult nice interpretations. His words and actions were a huge disappointment to the vast majority of the Jews who heard and saw them.

And then He died. So even those who did believe were let down. All of a sudden, the guy to whom you devoted your life dies on a cross. Then what? For three days, nothing happens. I’d be pretty depressed. I’d be re-evaluating what I had been doing with my life. I’d be figuring out if I had been hanging out with some psycho or if the promises were real. Without a doubt, my faith would have been severely hurt and tested.

Because I live in 2006, though, it is really hard for me to picture how difficult it was for the disciples. No wonder so many of them left. Even if I were to understand their hardships, I still miss so much context because of my unfamiliarity of the First Testament. It seems that fast forward (and, similarly, rewind) is not as great of a tool as I thought it was.

I don’t know what I’m doing to do, exactly, about this, but I do know this: ever since I read about this notion, I have been thinking about it a lot. It applies in so many areas of my life and, yet, I have been so blind to it. But having my eyes open to it only makes the amount of work ahead of me more clear.

I can’t take the easy ways out. If I want to come out the best that I can, I need to endure the long, hard road. I need to take chances, and I need to be willing to accept (some) mistakes. Mistkaes.

That felt good.

I love music. No matter what my mood is, and no matter where I am, and no matter what I’m doing, I can always find something that will suit the circumstances. The right track(s) at the right time is pure sonic euphoria.

I miss my iPod.

Yesterday, I casually joked about becoming a vegetarian again. It will most certainly remain a casual joke (as meat is far too tasty to forsake), but it did get me thinking about what I eat. I have posted time and time again about my eating habits and I really need to discipline myself about them.

Since I am forcing myself to be on a tighter budget (as I need to save for a barrage of expenses for my move to New York), I am going to cut out a lot of stuff straight away: junk food (like chips), super-greasy foods (like bacon), and lower-quality meats (like tube steaks.. sorry John). Things like sweets and alcohol will be cut back. (This last part totally sucks because beer and ice cream are a integral part of summer.)

But, I think that all of this is for the greater good. Provided that I can be consistent with a workout schedule, my overall healthiness will improve substantially over the summer. Gosh, I really hope that I can pull it off.

For now, though, I need to finish off the unhealthy stuff that I have left. Bacon-wrapped hot dogs, anyone?