Lucky

For the past few days, I’ve been getting set off by anything. Not overtly so but, in my head, I have been letting some pretty nasty thoughts and emotions roam free. I felt it in my heart, too… as if it was tightening up and sinking deeper into my chest cavity. Now I wouldn’t consider myself an angry or hostile person, so it goes without saying that I think that this is quite uncharacteristic of me.

I realize that, from time to time, people have their moods and it can be passed off as natural. But this was different. I was brooding over these feelings; I let them fester inside of me. I imagined situations where I would be a complete jerk, saying and doing some terrible things. What’s worse is that some of these situations involved people I respect and consider my friends.

All of this was quite inexplicable. Even now, I’m sitting here wondering what came over me. In trying to figure it out, I got a glimpse of a different perspective… one that I hadn’t felt for a really long time. I am so, so, so lucky.

I mean, I can go on and on about all the things that I don’t have in life and.. frig.. that pales in comparison to what I do have. Living in New York has given me an opportunity to see people at both ends of the possession spectrum: bums sleeping in urine-soaked pants on the street and multi-millionaires riding in black stretch Mercedes limos. Certainly, I am grateful that I don’t have to face the challenges that the homeless do, but I can’t say that I’m jealous of the super-rich. At least, not anymore.

Sure, their cars are nice and I’m sure their homes are nice, too. But I don’t need that. I don’t need a lot of things that I have right now. It’s overwhelming to think about my place in life. Here is a (very) brief synopsis:

I am a 22-year old studying Mathematics and Business at a highly-acclaimed university, currently living in a luxury apartment in New York City while on a work term at a job paying me more than many people make when they’re in the prime of their careers. I have a great group of friends and a family that will always be there for me. I am healthy, safe, and well-fed. Oh. And, of course, I have my faith.

Like I said just a couple of paragraphs up, I already have too much. Granted there are times when it doesn’t feel like it (e.g. living paycheque-to-paycheque for six weeks), but it’s hard to argue that I – that we – live in very cushy lifestyle. Indeed, we are in the upper echelon in the world. Even as students or recent graduates.

I really wish that I can keep feeling this way. It’ll help me curb jealousy. It’ll make it so much easier to give my time and money to worthwhile causes. It’ll help me stay happy.

I’m humbled.

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