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Writing in the Sky

Posted on June 6th, 2007

I am all mixed up.

As recent as last month, I maintained that I was very unsure about coming back to New York. This was particularly true if the conversation was about full-time employment. Yes, there are a lot of opportunities here and, yes, it is a cool place to be, but it is not where my family, a lot of my friends, or my church is. Of course, I realize that, by the time I graduate, most of my friends will not be in Waterloo. I, also, will likely not be in Waterloo, which means that I won’t be around my church anymore. So, just like that, two of my three concerns are brushed aside. All of a sudden, being away from Canada doesn’t seem quite as scary.

New York, in particular, has a lot going for it. By that time, I would have been here for eight months. I would have become reasonably familiar with the city and would have been a good number of friends. I have already found a good church and I have gotten used to the hordes of tourists. In fact, I see them every weekday when I go to the gym since I walk through Times Square. Doing this, of course, desensitizes me more and more to the sights and sounds of the city; sometimes I have a chuckle when tourists gawk at things that, at least to me, have become passé. Indeed, I have become so routinized in my day-to-day life that I barely have time to experience many things anymore. Fortunately, I can still appreciate the small things. Like how the setting sun lined up perfectly with the streets today.

There are some less rosy things to consider, though. The one that stands out the most is that I don’t have a close group of friends here; I miss having people that I could randomly call to do stuff at random times. And I just don’t have that, be it because of where people live, when they work, where they work, or the mere fact that I might not know them well enough. Part of this is because I am passively social. Many people know that I am a huge chicken (and for those of you who didn’t know, I am telling you right now: I am a huge chicken). I tend to socialize when I don’t really have a choice. And, up until this point, I usually had that choice. Bugger, eh?

As for the other things, I may bring them up in a future post. But it is sufficient to say that I am see-sawing back and forth between making a push to stay here and keeping things in Southern Ontario. My mind changes as frequently as a few times a day, and I don’t know what will influence me strong enough before I come up with a conclusive decision. Perhaps a great opportunity. Or a ridiculous offer. Or a girl, even.

Sometimes I just wish that someone else could make the decision for me. And soon. I’m getting kind of impatient with waiting around for that sign that says “GO HERE.”

One Response to “Writing in the Sky”

  1. Matthew Davidson Says:

    Big Sign – “Come home” 🙂

    if you stay in new york you can always come back, and if you come home, you can always go back to New York… this decision is not for definate… it will all work out in the end… well i hope so!

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